Potty Etiquette

So the other evening I was having dinner with some local Nesties and the topic came up of talking in the potty and what is acceptable and since i'm being the "KNOW ALL" on southern etiquette i'm here to inform ya'll of the rules. Now the rules change on the type/size of restroom you're in and how intoxicated you are... but...

1. NEVER speak to people while you are or they are in a stall... UNLESS you need toilet paper or a tampon.
2. If someone random is doing this and you want to contribute to their conversation DON'T... it's not classy and YOU DON'T KNOW THEM... it's an unwritten rule that conversations that take place in the restroom are private and are not meant for others to join in.
3. Try not to have any kind of conversation in the restroom unless A. There is a sitting area where you walk away from the toilets, B. You have to discuss something before you get back to the table/ where ever you are.

These rules are important because the restroom is a private place and should be kept as such, do your thing and get out.
Also most ladies do not want to think about what you might be wiping while they are discussing something profound with you.
And you are only keeping everyone else in your party waiting while you lallygag in the restroom.

Now these rules do get a little more lax if one is intoxicated (but that's not terribly classy to begin with), at a club, in a long line.

Now enjoy your potty trip!

How should a southern girl eat??

This is a topic that has been up for debate for centuries... It's such a difficult topic to settle since a southern girl is supposed to be able to cook... and not just a nice tossed salad, but huge filling (from scratch) farm meals~! So if a woman from the south is supposed to be able to cook fried chicken, home-made biscuits, apple pie, etc then should she be allowed to eat said food? This is a question because the south is the capital of beauty pageants. And no one likes a double chinned beauty queen~

This topic popped into my mind as i was sitting here eating my egg beaters, after having finished my extra protein slim fast on the way into work. I was looking at my food thinking "Seriously, this is what i have been reduced to in order to loose weight?!?!?". Now eggs are a southern food, but they are normally fried or cooked scrambled with cheese in bacon grease (hey sounds gross but it's really amazing!).

So this is why i believe there are so many bulimics in the world, and no i am not making light of a very sad condition... but in a way we're encouraging this condition... I mean what else is a girl to do when she spends all day cooking up fried chicken, homemade macaroni and cheese, fluffy mashed potatoes, bacon green beans and fried okra?!? It's simply not an option to not eat is it?... ah but there is way....

Enter the ultimate Southern Hostess... As a party thrower (and i only do theme parties with food matched to the theme) i have learned that a good hostess simply does not have a moment to eat, even at dinner parties! You mingle or help progress the conversation. You refill drinks, or platters... you get the next course ready, etc. So you basically peck like a bird that is on it's way to extinction. And here is how the southern girl eats!

Etiquette, A southerners way of life

So etiquette, it is more then a word, it's a way of life... it is the reason for everything. Everything a true southern does is based on this one, nine letter, word. What most northerners, unfortunately southerners too (we call those transplanted), don't understand is that etiquette is more then just a thank you card, or chewing with your mouth closed, it's a mantra for how to live your life. It's what makes life in the south so gentle and almost magical! Here are some basics for proper etiquette in every day life.
Etiquette demands that you treat everyone, even those in a lower class, education level, etc with warmth and respect. (Now yes this often does involve lying, which you will see is a secret mantra within the south, never say a mean word about someone, to their face~... many of you will remember a famous line from Steele Magnolias, If you don't have anything nice to say, come and sit by me~!)
You must always dress for the occasion, often times this means dressing nicer then you planned... we don't dress for what we think we can get away with, we dress for how we want to be perceived. And as I've found out up here it is often looked upon as silly, but a southern woman never leaves the house without her earrings and favorite item of makeup on her face... for me this is mascara and I was running the 10 mile Cherry Blossom run and I had on my earrings and mascara... it's what we do!
You must always respond to invitations in a timely manner and arrive ON TIME. You never want anyone to be waiting on you, unless it's a man. It is simply tacky to hold up a dinner party, meeting, or anything else... you are telling everyone else that their time doesn't matter. Go by this simple thought... if you're early, you're on time; if you're on time, you're late; if you're late, don't show up and have an AMAZING excuse (amazing means, death, hospitalization, car crash, etc... not that you forgot, or you were over booked, or you simply got held up. If your excuse is one of the latter then you should have called ahead so no one was waiting on you or expecting you!)
Whenever you are given a gift you accept it with the utmost humility... gifts include compliments... you never contradict a compliment because that is a slap in the face to the giver and you always send a thank you note for material gifts, dinner parties, etc. I know for many of you compliments are hard to take, but if you always tell the giver they are wrong, soon you'll never receive compliment. Once a friend said she didn't want to come across as conceited, this is impossible unless when the compliment is given you say "i know"! Simply smile and say thank you! Not very hard!
And to sum up the rest, without going into how to address invitations and how to eat correctly... use the Golden rule... Treat others how you would like to be treated... I believe this is where many of the "upper crust" loose their etiquette... they believe that their station in life entitles them... they believe themselves to be classier then others.... But I will tell you what every true southern knows. The classiest person is the person who can make every person feel comfortable and welcome and not like an outsider... ah this is the bottom line of etiquette!